Manchester, Glasgow, Madrid, Buenos Aires and Ruxley Lane: collectively home to the biggest rivalries in sport.

Manchester, Glasgow, Madrid, Buenos Aires and Ruxley Lane: collectively home to the biggest rivalries in sport.

Saturday heralded the first Ruxley derby of the season when OH took on OW, who but a few years ago would have found the concept of a league match versus their landlords laughable. Who is laughing now? Hahahahahahahaha. Us.

Mind games started early with Woody’s elaborate cone formation creating an ejaculating phallus aimed directly at the opposition when viewed from space.

After a brief warm up and Petherick’s usual rousing cry, it was left to Hugo to say the crucial final few words, ensuring that OH started as poorly as possible.

With those same words ringing in his ears, Jimbo made an instant impact after his return from honeymoon with a majestic touch-finder after receiving the kick off. 22m line out to Wellies.

Such was quality on show from the opposition throughout the match, I forget the beautiful sequence of moves that get them over the line on this particular occasion but probably something like: pick and go, crash ball, crash ball (repeat).
Missed con (melt)

Up the other end we went and after securing a penalty Fig slotted over the first 3 of his personal haul.

The one thing you can say about the OHs is that we learn from our mistakes and sure enough, we categorically did not slice a clearance and concede a try immediately after kick off.
Missed con (melt take 2). OH 3-10 OW.

Here endeth Act I of the OH performance.

Wellies may look good, be great for walking in puddles and insulate you from electric shocks, but under intense heat they melt.
So it proved on Saturday – as soon as we turned up the heat they simply couldn't handle it.

Jimbo who was outstanding all game scored a beauty of a chip and chase - matrimony clearly doing nothing to slow him down.
Potter smashed over from a few yards out after some great phase play from the team.

The frenetic pace with which our backs tore up the field was causing them endless problems with all the backline making lung busting bursts up the field. Clarkey did a magnificent job marshalling such an array of talent.
Fig slotted a couple of great kicks from out wide, but just to keep the crowd guessing he decided to shank the one from right in front. Enigmatic from the Portuguese fullback.

Despite having the hill in our favour, the OH pack were struggling in the scrum and this proved a useful source of penalties and this inevitably led to some more points.

Half time arrived with both teams blowing and I have no idea what the score was but I think we were narrowly winning.

The second half followed a similar pattern. Wellies had more position and made steady gains, whilst OH took approximately 3 phases to go 80m.

Occasionally the relentless commitment to joué meant we burned a few opportunities but that is the OH way. In joué we trust.

Dan Parts made a very welcome return to the team and was up to his usual tricks – turnovers, first in class support lines and the occasional Sonny Bill offload for good measure – great to have him back.

OH’s showed that they aren’t just really, really, ridiculously good looking, they possess fitness of mind, if not body. A quick tap from Clarkey who flung the ball wide, with Potter scoring his second of the day. Wellies left dumbfounded and somewhat irked as they believed we had already elected to take a shot at goal. They were wrong.

OH further extended their advantage with a try from Clarkey after a turnover lead to a swift break up the field.

Closing in on the final whistle and we were in a strong position. The referee threw a spanner in the works by forgetting the score momentarily, until Tom Huckin set him straight. Less than 10 minutes to go and 50-0 to us according to our esteemed chairman.

It turned out we were 38-24 to the good. Job done you might think? Yorkie and Dom had other ideas. Under intense pressure at another scrum 15m out, Yorkie hit the deck, halting their forward march. Naturally, Dom received a yellow card – referee citing “if in doubt, bin the bogan”.

Those who are familiar with the rules will be aware that if you have no front row replacement, you must drop another player. On the plus side scrums were now uncontested.

So with 13 men on the field, the OH set about defending their line from relentless bombardment. Bloodied, bruised and blowing out of every orifice, we held firm for what felt like an eternity.

Champions of the Ruxley derby, arise!

Big shout out to replacements who added much needed minerals. Great shift from everyone involved. It was also great to see that a light and skilful pack can show there is more to the game that scrummaging. That's why the powers that be have decided the new scrum machine will be exclusively for testing drinks on after the match - a decision I'm sure we can all get behind.

MOTM: Josh Gibson was a monster all day. Fronted up against the biggest scrum we’ve faced and still found the energy to run through/over almost every Wellingtonian in sight.

DOTD: Hugo. In classic style, he brought too much energy the warm up and was too switched on if anything.