Old Haileyburian 1st XV 45 v 5 Merton XV

With the weekly catchups completed at the Alma it was straight down to business on the bus sorting out a team. A late withdrawal by Gibbo due to a swipe right related incident [insert crippling STD here] created a 120kg hole in the 1st team roster. Luckily, after some fast talking and two half rotten bananas Henry 'it too late to apologize' McHenry reluctantly accepted the coveted position of hooker.

One could have been forgiven for thinking that we had arrived somewhere at the north pole when stepping off the bus onto the hallowed turf that is Ruxley Lane. With thick flurries of Snow blowing in, everyone quickly ran to the clubhouse for some much-needed warmth.

Several players were hoping that the other team would simply decide to call the game off because it was too bloody cold. Despite this wishful thinking, the Mertonites arrived ready to play.

After a very thorough warm up lead by Woody, the lads were looking and feeling crisp. The term "champagne rugby" was being bandied around by some.

After some rousing words from skip, a few jelly babies and some hugs in the change room the mighty OH we're ready to take the field.

To the surprise of many players the referee looked very familiar. Little did the players know that the looney tunes were in town and Yosemite Sam had decided to guest referee the match.

OH inflicted first blood by kicking off, however after traveling only 5 meters in the forwards direction the game was restarted with a scrum lead by a ragtag front row.

There were many notable performances in the game, in particular, potter snagging 2 bits of meat, Yorkie and yellow card Henry with one a piece. Yosemite Sam also helped the OH with a penalty try in the second half after Matt Burton was high tackled without the ball in the corner.

It was tough to see some tall timber fall hard. Like his father should have, Hugo pulled out early, citing some reoccurring back pain. (fit for this weekend)

Bison (MOTM) had a standout performance both in the scrum holding his own against and Ed Sheeran's older and much fatter brother, and on the wing showing all the graces of the ballerina down the sideline with his fancy footwork from a cross field landing safely in his bird's nest.

Not to be outdone by the forwards, the backs turned it on, with some classic show and go from Fig. working his magic all match long.

While OH sometimes makes it look easy the game was full of rough and tumble. Jimbo was brutally assaulted by a Mertonian linesman who was at least twice his size and Tom Fairlie's fingers were stretched in the wrong direction by an unknown player (video footage of the games has revealed that this may have been an OH player with the initials MT.)

The game got a bit scrappy, and the ref began getting happy on the whistle. Two yellow cards were given to OH in quick succession. One to D Higgins (DOTD) for a genuine attempt to Spider-Man a Merton player and one to Henry for what could be considered one of the most polite enquiries as to the reasoning for a decision.

Sensational line speed saved the OH who's we're playing with only 13 briefly. Given that 66% of the front row was off it was on the shoulders of the remaining players to step up on the scrum. P Clarke stepped up the role of hooker saying "I don't pick where I play, I just play." in this moment we also secured one of the best worked tries despite being down to 13 players.

After a tough fought battle, the game ended 45-5 to the OH.

Following the traditional handshakes and tunnel the OH players rounded out the game with a controversial warm down excreting then lactic acid from there exhausted bodies.

The beers were well deserved. Rest up for the next cracking game ahead, where we take on an "in-form" 4th place Old Ruts who we beat at home by 7 points earlier this year.